Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Now

What a difference a day can make.

Thanks to all of you amazing women whose words of identification and HOPE cleared away so much of the darkness I felt yesterday. I have read those words over and over and attribute much of my change in perspective to the power of a community bonded by the cement of understanding, compassion and love. You all rock.

I also believe that every time we go through the roller coaster of hope/waiting/disappointment we go through a cycle of the grieving process that that what's-his-face guy coined, Ed somethin'? (what a dumby) and I am amazed, yet again at how quickly I go from the numbness of denial, to the fierce anger to the intense sadness and the land, somehow, on the feet of acceptance.
This happened all in a 24hour span??

Don't hear me say that I didn't have the shooting pain of sadness course my veins momentarily as I sat with a pg. friend last night at a birthday dinner...but, it surprisingly did not last. I didn't plaster the usual forced smile, you know the one- where you consciously tell the muscles on either corner to ignore the downward pull??!!! I actually spoke to her about her upcoming move to a family neighbourhood and was, um, strangely happy for her????? Huh?

Somehow after my 'release' to you guys, my women's group that I go to on living a spiritual life (where we are studying Tolle's The Power of Now) I actually got in my car, cranked the tunes and was peaceful, happy, and hopeful.

Not gonna analyze it, just going to take it and runnnnnnnn.

Thanks, yet again.






24 comments:

  1. Glad "right now" is better...still thinking of you, still sending thoughts, hugs and prayers

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  2. I am inspired by your strength. I am so happy you are back on your feet. Your group sounds fabulous.

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  3. Life has smacked you down but you have chosen to get up and keep going and I so admire that about you. There is a lot of strength and courage that is reflected in the actions that you choose to take and I know that this time is hard but you are dealing with things well as they come. I have kept you in my thoughts and wish you a clearer path on which to walk along.

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  4. Glad you're having a better day. What do you think of that book? I bought it a year ago and have tried starting it several times but just don't get into it.

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  5. Good to hear your having a good day. I'm sure there will be lots of ups and downs, and that's okay, but you got spirit and determination, I can't wait to see the end of this very long tunnel.

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  6. I'm so off to buy that book. Glad that you are having a better day.

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  7. Funny how much brighter things can get after working through our emotions and even a little bit of time goes by. I am so glad that you are feeling better and that you have renewed hope and faith. I know some days wil be better than others -- still, it is awesome to hear how you have gotten "back in your boat". (When I was in a tough spot, someone said I just needed to get "back in my boat" and in an odd way that comforted me.)

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  8. Glad you are having a better day. It's amazing how quickly we can cycle through those emotions and then have them start all over again. I'm hoping the good days continue, but we'll be here just the same.

    I have to say I am amazed at your strength to be with your pregnant friend last night. I think my road to acceptance must be in slow gear compared to you. (-;

    Many hugs, my dear.

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  9. I'm glad you are feeling better. I'm sure you will go back and forth - this is a terrible thing to have to go through. I am really glad you had a better day and that it must feel good to be happy for your friend again!

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  10. I am glad you are feeling better and it takes so much strength to get into good spaces and be happy for your friend. I still stay away from pregnant friends and I think I am so fearful of how I will feel. Keep continuing that positive peaceful energy!

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  11. I'm glad that you have come out on the other side of the dark,horrible place that disappointment brings us. Please know I've been thinking about you and hope you are taking good care of yourselves and finding time to heal.

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  12. just checking in. hope you are doing ok. thinking of you. xo

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  13. The Power of Now is a great book. So is A New Earth. Reading and living it are two totally different things. Take care in traveling the path of grief. I know, it's rough. Hugs.

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  14. I hope you're doing ok. Sorry I haven't been around for a few days. I just read this post, and I have to say - you are amazingly strong! So inspirational!

    HUGS to you!

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  15. Just thinking of you. I hope that you are doing ok.

    Tina

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  16. Hang in there. I'm in a dark place too, and surrounded by pregnant friends- its not easy, but we'll get through this.

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  17. Just wanted to check-in and see how things are doing - thinking about you.

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  18. I just wanted to check in to see how you are doing. I'm thinking of you and would love to see you rejoin us in the blogosphere!

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  19. Hey There, and thanks for your note on my blog. I'm looking forward to learning about your journey on here, but wanted to let you know about the negative blood type situation you asked about. If you're RH negative which I believe you said you were, and you're pregnant with a RH positive baby, then there's a big risk of their blood mixing with yours if you bleed. That would mean your body would build up anti-bodies and would potentially not accept any pregnancy with positive blood type baby afterwards, ie with a second or third child. This is put v simplistically but I think that's correct. What happens if you're RH negative is that you're given a shot of Rhogam at 28 weeks and then again after the baby is born (I think). If you bleed before that, then the shot is necessary earlier. That's why I had mine early on. Hope that makes sense. I hope you begin to feel better and better, this is such a hard journey. Hugs to you.

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  20. Hey, hun. Just thinking of you and hoping you are doing alright. Hugs...

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  21. Hey- just stopped in to see if you had updated at all...curious how you are doing and what your future plans are (if any). I hope all is well.

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  22. Hey - Hope you are doing alright.
    Its been a while since we heard from you.
    Take care - Hugs !!!

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